Monday, March 29, 2004

 

Living the dream? Ya me neither

Physical State: congested
Mental State: sluggish
Music: Tie Reds - Live at CBGBs (cdr recording)
Fashion sense: black sweatshirt, grey sweats

So ok. For Boston Liz and all those other people out there who are wondering what I'm up to, I'm here to say that I'm still around. Things have gotten a bit weird of late as my work prospects have really dropped off in a major way. I feel some days like I'm living in some Dostoyevsky novel. I've never been more poor I think in my life and I fully understand the concept of the starving artist as of late. You see I've been applying for tons of design jobs and never hear anything back. Also the prospect of taking some other job seems kind of catch 22 (I know that as soon as I take some lame ass job, people will be calling me to do design work but if I don't do something my bills won't get paid). I know a friend of mine who feels like he's in a similar predicament. I've also come to the realization that if I don't find some substantial work soon that my life is going to become very unmanageable and stressful (if it hasn't been already). Lately I have been very unmotivated to think about my radio show (and this week I decided to take a week off). Sometimes things like entertainment and interests take the backseat as harsh reality sometimes sets in (and you get yet another bill that you wonder how you're going to pay).

Its a rough thing when at 35 you feel like a student trying to get by without asking the folks for some money and scrambling to make ends meet. You feel at times that you should be farther along by this point and you wonder how you've strayed. I talked to a friend who said that I should get out of this rut and see someone and get on the right track. They couldn't be more right. I think in some ways my funk has been happening since last year but has moved through various peaks and valleys until now circumstances and spare time have made me start really realizing what has been going on: 1. I've never really dealt with my Dad's passing in a professional way with counselling and therapy 2. I have been fooling myself that I can make a full-time career out of being a freelance designer. When I look back to a year ago on my blog not much has changed since this time last year and I seem to have been in neutral for a year. At times I am totally inspired and hopeful and then things like my circumstances, my family life, my lack of suitable romance and affection and my money issues seem to break my spirit and I end up coasting again, rudderless. For a year of change, this one seems to be getting off to a really slow start I think.

I recently told someone new that I've met that this blog is like a journal where I can put stuff up that's bugging me and hopefully with the intention to not "own so much of this" once its up here. I do hope that you find this interesting, albeit, on occasion, a little depressing. As the great Harvey Pekar says "Ordinary life is pretty complex stuff". Thank you Cleveland, goodnight.

I'm doing ok though so not to worry. Things could be better but they could also be a lot worse (and if you read this blog now and then you know where I've been).

March 20 was a year later from the time my Dad passed away and I think "what was I doing that day?". I was hanging out at the Brave New Waves anniversary show talking to my musical hero Patti Schmidt and enjoying some great music with a smile on my face and a beer in my hand. I think he would have thought that was appropriate to remember him by.

Onwards upwards.


Monday, March 22, 2004

 
A recent Miss Kittin mix called "Cult Songs" is up to listen to. Just copy and paste this URL below into your Winamp and enjoy:

http://www.misskittin.com:8000/content/www.misskittin.com_10-2003_newmix_-_CULT_SONGS_AUTUMN.pls

Happy listening!


Sunday, March 21, 2004

 
Hope you are doing well Dad.

and...

Thank you Patti!


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