Stranger Than Paradise

EuCan Be Free (aka the turd on Roncesvalles)



Physical State: weary
Mental State: sludgey
Music: Notwist - Neon Golden
Fashion sense: white t-shirt, tan shorts

Bigger than a newspaper box, more irritating than a TV commercial and able to block whole sidewalks in a single move—it's the all-new, never-before-seen Eucan trash/recycling bin!

Yep on one of the smoggiest and oppressive days this week I noticed the debut of my 'hood's media turd that is the Eucan at the corner of Roncesvalles and Howard Park. Eucans are one company's attempts to create a receptacle for garbage and recycling that also acts as a signboard. It's more like a 24 hour illuminated signboard (hydro use, schmydro use) with a feeble attempt at disposal. They take up a lot of room on the sidewalk and look ugly (like cross between a wonky atm and a Parisian piss station). Ironically across the very same intersection in two directions there are two City of Toronto stainless steel garbage/recycling bins?!? As Christopher Hume so succinctly described it in his article in yesterday's Toronto Star, it's the city demonstrating it's crassness on a whole new level! This Eucan crap is just another stupid venue for visual pollution (and this coming from a guy who makes posters for a certain television network. At least in those cases they are housed in bus shelters which are not going away and do serve a definite need in the city). Should we fill up sidewalk space with this wank or should we maybe scale back empty sidewalk space for a much needed bike lane? The positioning of this ad cum garbage can at the corner ensures that accidents will happen too. People will walk out behind their 5' x 7' frame and not be seen and motorists will not be paying attention to the car in front of them as they pull into the intersection because they have to take that second to read another damn cell phone ad. Silvia Watson you should have had your head examined for greenlighting this fiasco (I'm also looking at you Mayor David Miller of "Clean Up The City" fame, this is a step in the wrong direction). I don't think that an added garbage can can make up for the pollution that is this blight on the cityscape. Haven't we got enough places with ads already? Too many damn places. Everywhere you look even on a piece of fruit. Brand this, motherfucker. I can't even take a piss at a bar without some cellphone company's conveniently placed ad reminding me to buy their service (which I had read in various places about 50 times before arriving at said bar). Too bad they couldn't place the ad a little lower if you get my drift, then it would be positioned in a place that I could do something with. Toronto is becoming one big ugly sell job and it's really starting to get to me. It's time for some restrictions on advertising space. More art, more trees and less shite. If you live in the area (or elsewhere in Toronto) and want to see these eyesores disappear, speak up. The City of Toronto has set up a 6 question feedback line so call 416-392-6000 to make a decision on whether to adopt these for the city or not. Speak damn fast though because you can't get all your thoughts in in 20 seconds, nice system, very useful (insert sarcasm here). Call it now, call it often, tell your mother get everyone you know to call. Overload the answering system! Tell the City that you're sick of seeing these unneccesary ads masquarading as a garbage can. This is an all-time low in the City's attempt at a quick cash grab. For more info about these eyesores and their ineffectiveness check out publicspace.ca's comments here and Sheila Heti's plea to David Miller from last summer here.

I want to complain


Physical State: sweaty
Mental State: frustrated
Fashion sense: brown t-shirt, tan shorts

I want to complain about:

- the way that car insurance is way out of control in this province
- $1.00 litres of gas and jacking up prices on a Friday afternoon (it's time for the govt to step in and regulate this mofo)
- air conditioners that jack your hydro bill up because the building you live in is cheaply insulated
- landlords who don't fix your bathroom after 5 attempts to get them to repair it
- hydro bills that are way out of control
- public civil servants who are overpaid and still want more while acting like spoiled babies (shaddup Rob Ford)
- bank machines that charge you $2 on a 20 (unless you use your own bank's machine)
- banks that are not located close to home and are open from 10-3
- liquor stores that are far away from home
- transit systems that say they're the better way when 9 times out 10 you can get there by car faster
- parking downtown and the big scam that that is
- reality television that seems to take up 3/4 of my viewing choices these days
- people complaining about abuse of energy while bank atms are air-conditioned 24 hours a day
- people using bank atms as their own personal toilet
- people who lay on their horns for longer than a few seconds..."we get it, fuck off already"
- people complaining about abuse of energy when big banks leave all their lights on 24 hours a day
- one major highway out of the city to the north
- the fact that Lawrence W and Eglinton W should have overpass bridges across Black Creek Drive instead of stoplights
- people who drive in the left lane slow and refuse to get over to the right when you're trying to get past them
- people who decide at the last minute at an intersection that they're going to make a left turn with you stuck behind them
- the price of cds at HMV and how their selection is crap
- the price of movie theatre tickets and one company enjoying a monopoly (Cineplex)
- people who don't stop at crosswalks when you hold out your hand and have pushed the crosswalk button
- cops that shrug their shoulders when you point out a violation like having a car parked in front of the laneway
you're trying to get out of
- the way that Toronto is getting dirtier and dirtier especially on Queen
- Hummers period
- the Toronto all for one attitude, me me me
- going to buy a popsicle and all they continually have is lime
- the damn heat
- the way that cats decide 5am is a good time to start meowing over AND OVER AGAIN
- Polish delicatessens that have a smokehouse in the back that the exhaust of which floats into my open window
- that people who I never give money to on the street ask me every fucking day while just standing there
(here's the thing, if you're a busker or an artist I'll give you a dime, you earned it, learn a fucking skill deadbeats)
- people who call me at the last minute and assume that I'd rather do their work all night then have a normal life
- people who never respond to emails and make you feel all aggressive for asking why they haven't responded
- headaches caused by heatwaves
- the way that library people close 5 mins early and then treat you like an idiot for wanting to check your book back in
while the time is still valid

I also want to complain about how I complain all the time. Have I bitched enough, sweetheart I'm just getting started.

Cool weather and paid invoices...now that sounds like paradise.