Saturday, April 26, 2003
Physical State: slouchy
Mental State: skittery
Music: Serge Gainsbourg - Histoire de Melody Nelson
Fashion sense: blue t-shirt, blue sweats
Yeah so what's with the Parker Posey and where ya been? Answer #1. Parker reminds me of the new girl who works at the video store is all. Of course Miss M doesn't seem to want to give me the time of day, story of my life, etc. So that's what that was all about. As for answer #2...
Well I'm not sure if it's post-simpsons ads craziness that had me taking it easier or something this second half of the week or if I'm just damn lazy. It's really hard for me to account for my whereabouts for the past few days. I mean not that I forgot, just that I didn't do anything all that remarkable. I started thinking that if I ever had to go back to the regular 9-5 work world that I'd be in trouble. It's been almost a year and a half that I've been working from home at my own pace. Sure finances have been better but I also find that I don't have the stress to "do this, then do that, then do this". I'm never one who likes routine (although I probably could benefit from it). I really have no defense for not having written the great Canadian novel yet or not making great Art. I think though that I have grown in the last year a little more as an adult, examining life and understanding the importance of family and making the most of today. Sorry to be all Oprah about it but I think that I've done something, it's just not that easy to put my finger on.
Why am I carrying on about this stuff today. Well I think since my dad's passing I've started to look around me and think about where I'm headed. I look around and see friends and family married and pregnant (or both) or at least in committed relationships and I wonder how come that's not me, where have I been, where am I going? I'm 34, single, not married, in good health, could lose a few pounds sure but generally not badly off. I also see other friends who have split up too. So where do I fit in to all of this? What makes me different that I don't have these things, "do I need to grow more?" is always a question in the back of mind. I've begun to think that it's just luck, you don't have a choice in these things, they just happen, man. So don't fret about it just keep going on. Live. I've begun to think that the thing to feel good about is not the accolades for writing that great Canadian novel or some other masterpiece but to just have a laugh, say a kind word to a friend, help them out, drink a good coffee and read a good book. To just be, as they say, "keepin' it real". Okay so where is all of this taking us and "you may ask yourself...well, how did I get here"? I'm about halfway through this great book by Thomas Lynch. You may remember me writing about his first book "The Undertaking: Life Studies From the Dismal Trade" and how I thought of this book when I started watching Six Feet Under. I picked up his second book "Bodies at Rest and in Motion: On Metaphor and Mortality" and it's even better than his first. I have to say that these books are important for everyone to read, not just people who are grieving. I'd hate to think that people would avoid these books because he's a funeral director. They are extremely entertaining and enlightening. He has an incredible sense of humour that is often black but he also has a humility about his writing too that I find interesting. Both of his books deal in a very poetic way with mortality and life. As well you get the feeling that funeral people are just like everyone else, sometimes the job is just a job but it can also be a joy in helping people attain closure. They live and work, love and laugh just like everyone. His matter of fact style of writing and dealing with thoughts of mortality are more philosophical than clinical. He makes death seem logical and just another facet of everything that makes a life complete and to be accepted. In his dealings with his work he has become more alive, more thankful and respectful for today but also more comfortable with mortality and not fearful of it. I've rarely felt like writing an author and thanking them for their books but this is one time I'm considering it. I get a real sense that Alan Ball in creating Six Feet Under must have read his books over and over again. Truly inspiring. Check them out.
